still chaos

my mind is chaos
my pen lays still



Yesterday I received this fantastic notice😀It’s hard to believe it’s been two years since I decided to occupy this little piece of the internet. I never imagined my words would be read by so many amazing people. That I would make the connections I have. That I would feel so free to express myself how I’ve always wanted to. Thank you all for joining me on this journey. I’m thrilled to see what the next year will bring. I hope you all will be with me. Muahs! [happy dances] Lots of smiles and love to you all xxxxx

The Black Cat Blue Sea Award


::waves:: Hiya! I would like to thank writeallywrite for nominating me. I am truly honored. Pop on over and check out her site. You are sure to find something interesting and great.

The Rules:

Anybody nominated can nominate up to seven other bloggers.
Anybody nominated answers three questions.
The questions you ask while nominating can be any three questions.
If any of the questions asked are offending or simply do not want to be answered the nominee does not have to answer them to earn the award.

Inquiring Minds: (The Questions)

1. What is your MOST FRUSTRATING moment in your life?

I get frustrated and grrrrr at a lot of things throughout the day. At myself a lot. Silly things like not being tall enough to reach the top shelf in my kitchen cabinets. Or traffic lights that take longer than I think they should. But I guess currently the MOST frustrating moment in my life has been the year I had to wait for a surgery I was needing. After going through all the initial work up. The ultra-sounds and biopsies and genetic testing…everything was just sort of dropped and disregarded. My bloodwork was sent off to a genetics lab to be tested and then my doctors just sort of stopped….caring? Didn’t follow up? Forgot I existed? And after repeated calls…not nice words…tears and breakdowns. Changing doctors and endless amounts of pain I was struggling to explain to anyone and everyone-I finally was able to have the operation I was needing. Only now it was going to be more invasive and painful than it initially had to be. It was frustrating to say the least but it is done and over with and I am all healed now.

2. If you can change ONE THING in your life, what would it be?

I’m not sure I would change anything. The whole butterfly effect and all. If I change one small thing it could change something major. And the major bits of my life I love.

3. How do you deal with EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN?

I usually sit in the bottom of a dark closet and cry it out for a bit. Hoping to not have a panic attack. And once all that is done-I write. The good, the bad, the really ugly. It has always been the only thing that has ever helped me. One word at a time, I write it out.

My Turn To Ask Questions:

1. What’s your favorite word?
2. What can you do today that you were not capable of a year ago?
3. If you wrote a note to your younger self, what would it say in only two words?

7 Nominations : (Visit their sites and give them some love)

To my nominees: Though I have nominated you there is no obligation to accept or participate. Smile!

Mystery Blogger Award


Mystery Blogger Award” is an award for amazing bloggers with ingenious posts. Their blog not only captivates; it inspires and motivates. They are one of the best out there and they deserve every recognition they get. This award is also for bloggers who find fun and inspiration in blogging and they do it with so much love and passion. – Okoto Enigma

The award was created by Okoto Enigma. Here is the link: okotoenigma

I thank intrudesite  for this nomination.

Rules For The Nominees:
Display the award logo on your blog. √

List the Rules. √

Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to their blog. √

Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well. √

Tell your readers three things about yourself. √

Answer five questions from the nominee. √

Nominate anywhere from ten to twenty bloggers. √

Notify the bloggers by leaving a comment on their blog. √

Ask your nominees any five questions of your choice, including one weird or funny question. √

Share the link to your best post. √

Three things about me:

1) My favorite number is 5. It’s from a childhood memory (a good one-which I have written about. I’ll post a link to it here – I Love You 5

2) I learned to swim the summer I was 6 years old from my grandfather (biological father). I was lounging on the diving board in the deep in. Trying to inch as close as I could to dip my toes in while he was swimming laps. And he says for me to jump in…he’d catch me. I jumped and when my tiny head popped back above water he was gone. It was literally sink or swim. So I swam.

3) I have been bungee jumping and gone sky diving. I was so very scared. And as terrified as I was of those things I was more terrified of someone seeing my fear. So I mask fear with an over abundance of confidence. Fake it ’til you make it, right?

My Answers To The 5 Questions:

1. If world would be destroyed in next 24 hours, how would you want to spend those hours ?
With the people I love living a simple life. No point in panicing. We know it’s the end so why not go out on a high! 🙂

2. If you loved some one , will you hate those whom your loved one hates ?
I don’t hate easily. Hate and anger are wasted emotions. They drain you and do nothing to the other person. So I guess my answer is no.

3. Have you ever done something very foolish and later laughed at yourself ? Can you share it here ?
I am sure most of my moments from high school and possibly college were foolish. I tend to say anything that pops into my head which can definetly be foolish at times. Hard to pin down a specific moment.

4. What is the one skill you wish to learn or regret not learning ?
Hmmmmm…I wish I had learned more languages.

5. Have you ever felt deeply connected to a living person , child, animal , or tree without language ? How strong is that bond without words ?
I have. It’s hard to explain a connection like that. The feeling, the way the heart reacts…I don’t have the words….

There are so many to choose from but I Nominate:

Link To My Best Post (how does one decide this? I typically post and then forget)                      Sidereal

My 5 Questions:

1. What would you ask for if you knew the answer was yes?
2. Would you rather live without tv or music?
3. What was the last good poem you read?
4. Would you rather take a trip to outer space or the bottom of the ocean?
5. If you could keep only one memory what would it be?

It never fails that I look at these sort of things like they will be the easiest thing to accomplish and midway through I beging to shake and rethink the exposure they create. But I am no wuss and so I continue 🙂